Decisions

Sister struggles more with decision-making than I do. But this time I'm contemplating a doozy. A real life-changing decision. If I make the change it would be freeing and liberating...in a way. And it would be sad at the same time. I feel like I'd be stepping into the unknown and that is very frightening. I'm in my comfort zone with status quo. But Hubby asked this question yesterday "are you content and satisfied"? My answers were yes and no. I have been content the way things are but I would stop short of saying satisfied or fulfilled. But what if...what if...what if. There are so darn many 'what ifs'. In Anne Lamott's book, Bird by Bird, she indicated that the importance of freedom is being able to free others in turn. That spoke to me and helped me look at the situation from a less selfish point of view. But still the 'what ifs' surface along with the fear and uncertainty.

Today I remembered a line from a scene in the movie Paint Your Wagon. (yes...Clint Eastwood sings in this movie!) A Morman man with two wives enters a California mining camp during the gold rush. He has two beautiful wives, one with a baby, and he is short on money. So he offers the wife (who is not the babies mom) to the highest bidder. Ben Rumpsen (?), drunk as a skunk, manages to outbid all others and then passes out in the mud. The husband is shocked and has second thoughts. He asks Elizabeth if she is sure this is what she wants and cautions her that she doesn't know what she is getting into. She replies with a catty smile "I don't know what I'm getting...but I know what I've had." Her point was...an opportunity at something better was worth taking...an easy call. With that thought in mind I feel a glimmer of excitement and move closer to a decision.